Updated: Jun 2
Looking into his eyes, she could feel the compassionate love she so earnestly desired. As he held her in his arms, all he could think about was how he would take care of her for the rest of their lives together. He adored her; she respected him. They consummated their bodies and souls under the covenant of marriage vows.
Did they live happily ever after? The movie ends at the wedding, never does it reveal what goes on in the marriage. Today’s young people have this misconception about what true relationships are all about: They sometimes get ugly before the beauty comes as two people are working through their differences (and through their weaknesses) getting to learn how to live with each other in right relationship. It’s not all about sex: It’s about how his character and her character fit together as one relationship.
Simply defined, character is having a mental and moral quality of doing what is right because it is right. We are talking about men, women, teens and children who do what is right for the right reason.
People of character don’t make up the rules as they go along. They have agreed upon the rules beforehand. They don’t ask, “What’s right for me?” They ask, “What’s right?” They believe there is a standard of right and wrong that overshadows the entire human race, one to which all people are accountable.
Those who know the Lord recognize that we are accountable to God’s standard. To know the Lord is not a bad thing. Knowing the Lord puts you into a “safe space” in His agape (no strings attached, unconditional) love. He gives you the secrets of success in everything relating to you, including your relationships with yourself and others. How precious is this kind of wisdom! People of character have the ability and willingness to obey. People of character have not only agreed to God’s code of ethics and morality; they live it. They do what is right.
Before you can enter into any relationship, the question you must ask yourself is: “Am I alright with me? Do I love myself? Do I even like me?” The divorce statistics alone clearly identify that there is a problem in the arena of human relationships. A relationship is a personal covenant, or promise, that binds two people in a special agreement that they will love each other no matter the circumstances they face; they will face it together in absolute loyalty, or faithfulness, to each other.
You’ve got to get that right relationship with yourself before you venture into a bond with someone else. Added to these broken marriages statistics are the laws that man has forced into existence permitting same-sex marriages which are blatantly against Biblical laws forcing us to vividly see that there is a wide chasm of mis-understanding in how men and women are to relate to each other.
There are a plethora of experts and leaders, as well as political activists and pro-this and that advocates who are tackling humanity’s problem of relationship-building in their own “special” ways. But when you get right down to the root of the relationship matter, the final element, actually the only element is: “How do you feel about you?”
When you consciously reject who you were intentionally designed by our Creator God to be, there is a consequence that follows. Science stipulates: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Proverbially, the same is said: The stone you throw against the wall will surely come back to you. And our life’s manual, the Christian’s highest authority, resoundingly speaks the Word of God in Proverbs 23:7: For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. Deep down in your heart, you know who you are. No amount of surgery, or lightening, or denying is going to change the real truth of who you are—fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God; and that your soul knows very well (Psalm 139:14).
Living in a culture of blame-shifting, or scape-goating, has caused a backlash of denial that we, as individuals, have personal identity problems. These problems have culminated in our not liking who we are, in comparing ourselves with other “better off” people, and living as people unworthy of anything good, bright, or excellent—settling for bad, dull, and mediocre. What?!!!!
Is it easier to put the blame on how much (or how little) money you grew up with, or the colour of your skin, or the kind of education you got to determine your self-worth—than to look at yourself squarely in the mirror and admit, “I am the cause of my relationship problems”?
Dear Brilliant Brother and Super-terrific Sister, you must make a conscious effort, once and for all, to tackle and destroy that lying spirit comfortably resting at the back of your brain as if it’s supposed to be accommodated, fed and cared for throughout your lifetime. It’s time to burn that spirit to ashes and move on to the healing we all struggle for every time we find ourselves in another broken relationship.
A broken relationship does not include marriage only, but relationships, or bonds between those around you: your family members, your classmates or co-workers, your teachers and leaders, your friends. Relationships break with mis-understanding which is oftentimes masked in offense--you are hurt; you are insulted; you are in pain. We shall explore this notion in our next conversation.
Young people (all people), get yourself together before “falling” in love with another. Falling doesn’t mean rising in love. Love lifts and carries you over the challenges in life; it never lets you fall (or fail). In order to experience this kind of love, check your character by daily doing 1 Corinthians 13, then work on correcting its flaws as you produce the fruit of a godly Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).
I do not call myself by any title when dealing with the concept of relationship-building. I can only share with you what is called experience; and Experience is the best teacher. Lesson #1: You must stop chasing after other people’s dreams for your life and focus on what you want for your life, that internal dream planted in you by Almighty God. Then and only then will you be able to notice how brilliant, special, talented, exciting and lovely you are.
Let’s journey together through our Series on character development entitled “Real Talk”: Fruit of the Spirit Series.
And, in order to experience how our Heavenly Father's moral standards operate for the good in our lives, we must constantly put into practice what He instructs us to do (and not to do). Enjoy your reading!
© 2023 by Patience Osei-Anyamesem. All rights reserved. Published by The Light In Me Enterprise. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews or other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.
Unless otherwise stated, all scripture quotations are from The New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
The artwork depicted in the blog article is carefully selected to draw out the points made for healing of the soul, and by no means promote any ideologies from the various artists unless they are found in the center of God's perfect will.